For Writers (and those with opinions of any calibre)

If you don’t know what you want to write, my suggestion is, don’t become a writer.

Those who choose to write for a living are generally the type of people who are quiet when out for the monthly ‘we must invite so-and-so round for dinner darling, i hear she has a new man and we simple must meet him’. Quiet only due to the fact that ‘so-and-so’ casually slips into dinner conversation that she met Mr. Blah-Blah because Sagittarius happened to be in her favour that week of her menstrual cycle. Or that they’re meant to be together because they both went to the same church as children and the Bible that she dropped on her way home from sunday school happened to be the same colour as his t-shirt the day he bought a new copy of the old testament. Upon hearing such utter nieavities your better half more the suggests with a unmistaken look that ‘quiet’ is exactly how you should remain (At least that is until Mr. Blah-Blah and whats-her-face have left earshot). In short, in my opinion, a writer must have an opinion.

Furthermore – said opinion should be of the calibre to warrant it being committed to  text. Every jolly-do-gooder has an opinion on the world but when such gems as ‘”fucking who talkin shit bout me so just don’t alright??” plague my Facebook feed everyday i wonder if the term ‘limited’ truly gives justice to these people’s capabilities. Maybe I’m just a stickler for good old-fashioned diplomacy. Don’t make the mistake of thinking I don’t have outbursts of emotion from time to time (especially confronted with aforementioned theologists) but I like to exhibit a slight more tact then my keyboard thumping Facebook friend.

I have been distracted from my point, like in the film Tron where you cruise along at insane speeds and then fly off on a tangent equally as fast, I have ‘tron’ed’ from my subject – writers.

    I am currently reading a book entitled ‘C.E.O of the sofa’ by P. J. O’Rourke. His background is journalism and he brings across through his past papers a truly remarkable sense of humour in the most unlikely situations. A full review of the book will be penned as soon as I finish but until then I would like to mis-quote his text if I may (I mis-quote only due to the fact that his book is currently in the jumbled accumulation of all my belongings, sitting on the hotel room floor. I, however, am trying to escape the blisteringly cold chill of an AC unit which knows two settings – arctic and off)

P. J. O’Rourke on the subject of Women hiding all the secrets of success in the business world in ‘how to manage with a toddler’ books

“I suppose women thought men would never read these books. Or women thought these books would be read by the kind of man who bikes to his job at the organic food co-op–not a threat to promotion. Anyway, women didn’t work very hard at putting their percipience into code. Even a bored chairman could crack it. Examine the following passage, allegedly about biting…”

He then takes a passage from the children’s book and replaces characters with ‘executive assistants’ and ‘account supervisors’ and the passage plays out in a completely new light. Seemingly confirming his theory of a secret sisterhood of business-women who pass on vital information through ‘123… the toddler years’.

Thats what I love about writers. They can take any mundanity and put their opinion on it, Transforming not only the way they look at the world, but, with a little ingenuity and the right linguistics, the way the reader looks at the world. So, back to my point. If you don’t know what you want to write, my suggestion is, don’t become a writer. Maybe that should read ‘If you lack an opinion worth writing’

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